Tuesday, November 25, 2014

How To Double Date


When you decide settle down with a significant other you will notice that your social life will come to a screeching halt. Your once free nights of getting white girl wasted (WGW) and hitting on anything with a heartbeat must come to an end. The adult alternative to getting WGW is going out with another couple.

Select The Couple: 

The couple you select for your "double date" must be socially deprived and just as desperate as you to leave their home/apartment. Once you've found a couple willing to drink in public with you, you can now begin planning your evening.

Select Your Location:

The location you select for your outing is crucial. You should not select a place with the words "Night Club" in the name. These places are filled with single basic bitches on the prowl and it will be too painful for everyone in your party too witness the fun they are having. On the flip side, your location should not have an early bird dinner special and should at least serve some sort of alcoholic beverage. So your ideal location should be somewhere in between Pulse Night Club and Bob Evans.

Drink But Don't Get Drunk:

Once you've selected your location and have met up with your couple of choice you can begin drinking. When out with another couple you must be sure to achieve an ideal level of drunk. If you drink too much, you will tell the couple what you really think of their relationship and they will never agree to go out with you again. However, if you drink too little they will think you've lost your "edge" and are too boring to ever go out with again. So keep it classy and you'll be able to keep the only friends that will respond to your text messages.

Call It A Night: 

After about two to three drinks everyone in your party will agree that they miss their pets/ (heaven forbid) children and decide that it's time to go home. When you glance at your phone for the time, you'll be SHOCKED that you've lasted until 10:00 P.M.

Back at home, you will feel socially satisfied yet thankful that you get to put your "give-up-pants" back on. The next morning you will text your friend about your "hangover" and you'll both agree that you cannot party as hard as you once could. Although this social attempt was rather weak it should prevent you from killing your significant other for at least one month. After your social satisfaction has worn out you can repeat the above steps and venture out of your home once again for another night on the town!

Happy Double Dating!

XOXO