In order to sound like an eloquent adult in social situations you must determine what your political point of view is.
For example, I’m a socially-liberal-fiscally-conservative-anti-organized-religionist.
What does that mean exactly? Great question! Let me annoyingly explain my beliefs to you!
Socially Liberal:
Like every 20 something, I believe in fetal termination,
sexual/racial/gender equality, legalizing a certain green plant and all those hippy things.
For instance, I don’t want to be cliché and talk about
abortion but... fuck it.
If I, a person who has walked away from a
parked car with the engine running and every door wide open, got knocked up, even
the conservatives would opt for me to be “pro-choice”.
I can barely remember to feed and bathe myself, heaven
forbid a child was in the mix. I used to care for children and I was ALWAYS more
entertained by Yo Gabba Gabba then they were (granted I was stoned… but that
just further proves my point). My non-maternal genes are so apparent that even the
government has deemed my uterus, “Not Fit for Procreation”.
So, if a girl can admit, “Hey I’m a hot mess and would
really fuck up this fetus” let her do what she wants with her baby oven.
Fiscally Conservative:
Three words. I’M A JEW. Enough said.
Anti-Organized-Religionist:
I believe that religion is about spirituality and for the Jews,
leaving a 10% tip. It is NOT about standing up and sitting down because some "holy man" in a big room tells you to do so. Also, standing up and
sitting down is extremely fatiguing and I think even God would agree.
Because I am so wise and worldly those are all of my political
perceptions. Consider taking your own stance on a few key political issues. Then, at parties and social gatherings, loudly
discuss your beliefs because your views are obviously the ONLY right ones.
The moral of this story is that I am going to
Hell for everything written above but it’s America and I can write whatever the fuck I want to … or at least I think I can.
AMURICA!
XOXO
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